Unofficial Craziness - Part 1: My Lung Tumor
Craziness as used here refers to those experiences when we are not in touch with reality. Craziness as used in this topic refers to us responding to things that are not present or do not even exist, as if they were present or as if they actually existed in reality.
There are ways that we can be out of touch with reality that have been officially identified by psychologists and psychiatrists. Schizophrenia and paranoia are just two examples of such official craziness. Please note this topic is not about such official craziness. It is about unofficial craziness, a phase I have used for over 25 years now.
With unofficial craziness, others may not think it is unusual or strange, and may not even try to get us help because they do not see us as being sick, even though we are responding to things that do not exist and we are actually out-of-touch-with-reality crazy.
Here is an example. Several years ago, a few days before a scheduled business flight, I developed a chest cold and stuffy nose. My doctor did a routine chest x-ray to be sure I did not have pneumonia before I took off on the trip. The x-ray turned out to show an unusual spot on my right lung. A follow up CAT scan was ordered for the next day.
When on the next day I was informed by the technician that the CAT scan confirmed the mass in my lung, my anxiety went through the roof. As I drove home, I kept seeing the concerned look on that technician’s face. My doctor called and referred me to a thoracic surgeon, but I could not see him for a week.
Instantly I could “see” this tumor in my lung. I saw my chest cut open in surgery. The pain was terrible.
I suffered that whole week with difficulty concentrating, nightmares, daytime cold sweats and terrible chest pains. Family and friends offered me sympathy and understanding.
When I finally did see the surgeon, he listened to my chest and ordered another x-ray. I had to wait for that x-ray to be developed. During this waiting time, I even imagined how I would look when I would enter this waiting room again after my surgery, if I was lucky enough to survive the surgery, my surgery.
The nurse finally directed me to the surgeon’s office where he was holding the new x-ray in his hand. My heart sank.
Calmly he said, “Well, I think it will all be cleared up in a week or so.”
I said, “What? Can I really recover from surgery that quickly?”
Surprised, the surgeon asked, “What are you talking about, Paul?”
I paused and then sheepishly asked, “What did you just say?”
He repeated, “I think it will all be cleared up in about a week or so.”
Now somewhat confused I asked, “What will be cleared up in about a week?”
He patiently explained, “The mucus from your sinuses collected in your lung and gave the appearance of a tumor. The mucus is almost gone now and should be completely cleared up in another week or so.”
This time I heard what he said. Instantly my chest stopped hurting. The room even became brighter. My imaginary blood and scars from the surgery disappeared in a flash.
And for my longest ten days ever, I was unofficially crazy. I was suffering from something that did not exist and that never would happen … as if it had already happened. No other spots have ever been found on my lungs.
The nature of unofficial craziness and what tends to keep it hanging around is that others often do not see it as being crazy and out of touch with reality at all. But I will tell you during those ten days I was just as out of touch with reality and just as crazy as any person who has been given an official diagnosis and hospitalized in a locked ward for treatment of a serious mental illness.
Usually such unofficial craziness passes in time and is forgotten. However the underlying dysfunctional processes and the beliefs that produced the craziness continue to be present in the background. This unofficial craziness raises its ugly head again and again through out our lives. It is the cause of the vast majority of needless suffering of human beings.
And, anyone can suffer from unofficial craziness. I have seen it in mental health professionals, in family and friends, in judges, doctors, powerful business executives, television stars and ministers. No one is exempt because of the common design of our minds that allows this to happen. Every human being is subject to experiencing the suffering that can be caused by unofficial craziness.
Now what is the antidote to this self induced suffering? This will be discussed more fully in future topics, but basically the antidote is to learn to be where your feet are in the moment rather than stuck in the fantasy in your head and suffering as if that fantasy were reality, as I was doing with my lung tumor. That is, be present now, to what is real now. When you can do this, you will find it is the best form of stress management there is.
Sometimes this is much easier said than done, but all of us can learn to react in a better way. Psychotherapy is sometimes needed to reduce the anxiety created by unofficial craziness before we can then let it go and get on about out lives. Cognitive behavioral therapy can be especially helpful.
I will be publishing more on Unofficial Craziness in the coming months. I invite you to sign up for the RSS feed for my blog to be notified when these posts are made. You can do that at http://www.drpaulmalone.com/blog.
Also, please give a gift to your family and friends and share what you have learned with them.
Again, I thank you for reading and I wish you good luck with your… Recovering from Unofficial Craziness…a better way.
